Meri Penopause on Men

My honey from the day we met has been opening doors,walks on the street-side of the sidewalk and still opens the car door for me every time – and I love it!

Men are people just like you and me…

It’s okay to get to know someone better,the two of you can investigate it,flow with it and let things unfold as they happen…you don’t have to rush into anything and you don’t have to put up walls either,just be.

Walls are created when you make shit up before you know the real story and you have to be as comfortable talking with them as you would with another girl…I am not suggesting a talk about vaginal cream or anything… I just talk about the same things with my husband as I would anyone about how I view the world around me and about things I feel strongly about.

When you’re new to dating…you simply don’t really know what you are like on long-term dates because you haven’t spent time evolving that side of you  Don’t describe “not experienced”as “Not good at”  Have fun with it –like an adventure – if you’re too busy analysing it you won’t recognize it when it happens  maybe if you just let it be…I mean really be…and allow whatever happens without judgement of what it “is”or “should be”or “should feel like”it would teach you what it is.

So what if we looked at the word allowing…

Allowing means leaving statements and critical judgements out of your thoughts.

Allowing means taking each moment as a ‘this minute’ experience to be enjoyed.

Allowing means there are no preconceived notions about “is he interested?”or “Does he like me?”or “What if I am a total loser and mess this up?”.

Allowing is just being there,looking into his eyes and truly seeing him in this minute and not holding any image of anyone else in your past up next to him to compare or build guard against.

Allowing is pure and lets the energy come as it is meant to come no putting labels of “friend,boyfriend,lover”on a relationship.

You can’t know how you feel about him early on if you haven’t known him long enough to see that truth.  To really find someone worthy of your heart…well,it takes time –not like anyone who gives you an immediate rush –who just tosses your brain into attraction fury;but to know someone’s heart and who they will be for you;to you;with you.

While very attracted to him the first time we met,my love was not that insane immediate crazy rush he was the handsome caring friend – the safe,steady one who I tried so hard to avoid and kept waiting for someone rush-like to sweep me off my feet…and then I got to know him and dumb me,realized just how messed up the whole rush thing is and then I kissed him and all other folks disappeared from my brain. We knew each other for 3 years before we dated and stayed friends –my heart and my hands were a wall in blockage.  I wanted him to stay a friend so I could wait for some imaginary rich person in my life,some powerful guy who would take care of me (dumb Cinderella momentary lapse there) and so I kept him at bay.

THANK GOD he stuck around!

Because of all the people I would like to grow old with…it is someone who respects me,supports my dreams,is kind,loves me like no other  and will always,I mean always put up with my bitchy,emotional,depressive days just as he does with my good,cheerful and beautiful days – and never blink an eye.

You don’t get that from immediate rush guys and he knows how much I love him –but those immediate rush guys…. they are surface…they are the ones who ditch when times get tough,those are the ones who bail when true intimacy begins to form.

Rush guys are the ones who are afraid of emotion and afraid of reality life is sucky some days…I want to grow old with someone who can handle that-someone who can handle that I will look like shit some days and he still wants to touch me.

Someone who will let me rant and vent when I am frustrated and come up behind me and give me a hug and say,“That sucked honey…what can I do to make it feel better?”It is amazing to know it exists…but it takes time and patience and learning about the other person – so you always feel like you are in a continuous hug.

A wise counsellor once said to me – it takes two years to really know someone….

2 birthdays

2 valentines

2 years of holidays with each other’s families

Two cycles,the first one is a honeymoon year,the second one is the year that they show you who they are.  Don’t pay attention to what they look like,how much money they have and don’t pay attention to what they say pay attention to what they do.

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